internal activist

The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.
Pablo Picasso

How do we make change?

The real lasting kind of change that brings a cultural shift that shows up as a pattern or what reporters call a trend…but a trend that stays.  I’ve thought and thought about this…I’ve found one way, which has nothing to do with holding up signs, or arguing, or even reporting my findings to the journals.  Nothing to do with stating the facts…closed up people cant hear the facts.  These methods can be useful and validating and are actually proof that change is occurring, so they can help build momentum, and they help people feel that the change they would like to make is worthy and supported, but I think that the change is made on the inside. 

I don’t do very well at small talk or holding conversations anywhere near the surface, although I’ve made an effort over the years to become better at it, since it puts many people at ease.  Midwifery is perfect for me, since I get to bypass all the superficial mess and get straight to the real stuff.  Those tiny little spaces that we generally keep tucked away and closed.  Those tender shaky little spaces where vulnerability resides… where change is born.

Intimate connections that validate the tiniest inclination of truth and vision can nurture it exponentially, endlessly.   Once we are opened up to the realization that we matter…the tiniest places, the covered up places in us really matter, and understand that the smallest things we feel are really the big things… When we realize there is safety and love waiting, people change themselves.  We change our beliefs about ourselves, and our thoughts and our patterns, our behaviors, our choices, eventually public policies and a collective cultural shift.  I see myself as an internal activist, tangling with those spaces between words, allowing change to unfold as it will, within the most intimate settings of our lives.

I’ve come to view art as the purest expression of those tiny spaces within us, and the creating of art and interacting with art as a dance we do with our souls.  Art as the very fundamental basis for creating change. Change comes from the artists willing to share those tiny spaces of themselves.  We are all artists.

CALL FOR ARTISTS

Holistic Maternity along with Village Birth Circle are planning their second annual art show, on January 11, 2014.  This is an open call for art in any medium focused on the moment of birth, specifically home and water birth.  The intention of this exhibition is to raise awareness of the safety, normalcy, and increasing number of families choosing home birth.  We are looking for provocative pieces that engage the audience in the intense emotional and transformational experience that surrounds natural home birth.  Pieces depicting orgasmic birth or the controversial political climate of homebirth are ideal for this show.  Personal journal pages, placenta prints, videos, pictures, drawings, paintings, sculptures, poetry all welcome.  Any photographs must be in a home/or out-of-hospital setting.

 SUBMISSION

 Please direct inquiries by email only to Justbirthart2014@gmail.com.  Include an image or description or concept drawing of the planned piece along with your statement describing the inspiration for the piece and/ or a short artist bio and estimated price.  Submission deadline is DECEMBER 11, 2013. Once accepted for the show , please do not promote the piece on facebook or other social media, as we want to keep the show fresh.

local mamas can find me at www.myholisticmaternity.com

Have you turned the corner?

Kim birthing Evie

So here it is, July 15th again. Eleven years ago, laboring at home for the previous 24 hours, I was under instruction by my midwife to call her when I “turned the corner.” “What does that mean?” I kept asking myself, and “how will I know?” I kept laboring in all different positions, walking, swaying, hands and knees…things were getting more and more intense, I was scared. Into the night the contractions just got stronger, and I kept asking my partner if it was time, and telling him to call the midwife, he kept hesitating and asking me if I had “turned the corner.” He was worried about disturbing her in the middle of the night. After several more hours of this repeated conversation and contractions growing more and more intense, I yelled at him, “I’VE TURNED THE FUCKING CORNER, NOW CALL THE FUCKING MIDWIFE!”

As a midwife, I have never asked anyone if they have “turned a corner,” but at least I know what it means now.

Confidence in your actions and words, certainty,  not asking for anyone else’s opinion but relying solely on your own intuition,  ceasing to question yourself,  no fear in using your voice, speaking with boldness and authority, others sense your clarity and immediately trust and follow your lead.

Turn the corner.

Local mama’s can find me at http://www.myholisticmaternity.com

midwife running

ready for my run

I have been running the same path at the most beautiful nature preserve in St.Petersburg, FL  for years.  As I approach families walking with their children, the little ones turn away from their parents and start running with me in complete joy and out right laughter.  I always find this quite amusing and enjoy the little show they create.  Almost as frequently, adults  meandering through the park ask me for directions as I am whizzing past.  I always oblige, but since I do not stop as I am shouting out the way for them,  they begin to follow me too, and questioning my direction.  Once I had 3 families jogging behind me to the trail’s exit!

What’s become more and more apparent to me, is that when we move with confidence in the direction of what we know is true, without wavering  in the face of others opinions, doubts, or chatter; is that we create a positive force of motion that others instinctively follow which adds to the momentum of the movement we are creating.  So one person, standing in clarity, creates the pathway for this force which turns into quite a chain reaction and affects real, tangible, measurable change.

This is in gratitude for all the  families confidently choosing a homebirth and standing patiently in the midst of negative reactions from family, friends, and acquaintances, unwavering in their knowledge of what is best for them and their baby.  Thank you for standing in that place with me, for providing the momentum to affect a shift in the cultural norm of birth.

~thank you to all that stand with me, strengthening our cause

 

bloody show

bloody show

For all you UK folks, I’m not cursing a sitcom here.  I’m talking about the classic sign of impending labor.  Let’s just get this all cleared up. Towards the end of pregnancy the cervix becomes ripe (as we say in the biz) meaning it becomes very soft.  It takes on the consistency of butter that has been left to sit on the table all day.  It also begins to shorten, (effacement) and open (dilation).   As these changes occur, the mucous plug situated at the os (opening of the cervix) that protects your baby from infection entering the uterus during pregnancy often falls out.  It can look exactly as you may expect, a glob of mucous tinged with blood, or you may just see some pinkish spotting.  When this occurs toward the very end of pregnancy, it is no cause for alarm and can be taken as a sign that all is well and labor is near.  Its a rather welcomed sight for mom’s who are ready to meet their babies.  On the other hand, some moms do not see this sign at all and the mucous plug releases sometime during labor.  So there you have it…all you ever wanted to know about the bloody show, except how it got that name.

I do like the idea of cursing a sitcom that way, but never can remember to do it.

art of birthing

So someone asked me why I wanted to put together an art show representing natural birth…”why art” he said, “rather than any other means”  The answer to that flowed from me so easily, but I keep thinking about it and keep adding to it.

see me

When a family learns they are expecting, there is this excitement, this indescribable feeling of anticipation, the deepest knowing that ones whole life and way of being in the world is shifting.  Its exhilarating, its sacred, its scary, and its deeply personal.

Its soul-stirring.

This shift evokes the most primal and ethereal connection to the most pure part of ourselves.  Natural, unmedicated birth at home nurtures all of it.  The connection to self, the desperate longings and the deepest stuffed away fears and insecurities.  Homebirth midwives bring out every feeling, emotion, fleeting thought, and pause on it…encouraging families to look at themselves, connect, grow and stay right there with everything that arises.  Birth brings one of the most intensely expressive moments in our lives.  Art gives us a way to connect to these moments, to communicate in a more primal way… to tap into the raw presence of human emotion exposed,  the essence of vulnerability that brings the palpable intensity of the moment.

So often, the rich, juicy, indescribably intense moments of birth are pushed aside, not honored, washed away.  After all, there’s no way to document that in the charts right? Its invisible.  Its the biggest thing in the room, but its invisible to most.  Art reaches across worlds and puts all that richness, the biggest part of birth, the soul-element, right there in front of us so we can see it.

~Art makes it visible

local families join us tomorrow for the TRUST BIRTH art exhibit https://www.facebook.com/events/314465728669165/

opening

Artisit Enric Huguet

During labor and birth, the mama is flooded with a potent cocktail of hormones that create the ecstasy and deep opening characteristic of natural childbirth.  Throughout pregnancy, our bodies develop more and more receptors for these hormones to act upon and so… once the baby releases the hormone to pour this cocktail for mama there is a dramatic response.

A deep opening.

Our bones aren’t definite and fixed, they are held together with ligaments that pay attention to the chemical messages that hormones are sending.  They open and move and respond beautifully to birth.   Just as a baby’s head is perfectly sutured, so is a mothers pelvis that has known the nuances of her baby since conception.

I recently had a conversation with a mama who was told her pelvis was not adequate.  Not adequate!?  Mama’s, if anyone ever tells you your pelvis is not “adequate”  insist on an uninterrupted trial of labor because your baby will determine adequacy, or better yet, just find a midwife.

You are not a forgone cesarean.

live like we birth

artist unknown, looking for her..

What if we live our lives like we birth?

For me this means I am living from a place of complete openess and powerful vulnerability.  It means I stay in the hardest, toughest moments, every fear and disgrace exposed.  I’m facing myself and staying there even with all the judgement from the whole damn world.   I let their words whiz by, stinging while I continue the labor of living my truth. I don’t try to numb it, how could I ever really know it then?   I make conscious decisions and follow my intuition.  When I need to yell, I yell.  When I need to rest, I rest.  I have a constant sense of stillness even in the midst of chaos.  I’m convinced that I am completely capable of taking  powerful positive action and that I can make a difference in my family, community, and world.

I live in utter gratitude that I came to know myself through natural childbirth.  It’s my deepest and highest honor to exist for families that wish to birth and live connected to their own truth.

~local mama’s, find me at www.myholisticmaternity.com

mind the music

birth symphony

As a licensed midwife attending home births I rely on my ability to stay finely tuned-in to the rhythm of each birth.  Every birth has layers of rhythms and sounds all happening simultaneously, creating a symphony of chart-able nuances for the birth record.   A tiny heartbeat keeping time at about 140 bpm and responding to contractions talks to me. Maternal heart beats to another rhythm of about 100 bpm, the placenta whooshes its own rhythm keeping time between the two hearts.  Mother’s breathe and moan and move, letting me know just how far each contraction takes her.

Understanding the symphony of each birth and staying connected to the layers of rhythms, is an essential for me.  Hearing a father’s silence and  siblings’ whispers, its all part of the biosphere this mama’s working with.

No wonder ACOG issued yet another statement opposing homebirth…most OB/GYN hospital practitioners are not connected to the rhythms of the births they attend.  They attach laboring women to machines for information, as though they need a translator, they distance the fathers, partners and siblings from the process, so they cant gauge how a mother is coping by observing her familiar interactions.  They miss the whole damn symphony.  No wonder they’re scared.

~midwives mind the music

hi it’s me

me, as seen by my daughter’s camera

Hi.  I’m Katrina Hollon, LM, CPM, homebirth midwife in St.Petersburg, Fl. and mother of two smart, spunky, philosophers.  I came to midwifery through the birth of my children into the hands of midwives.

When I found out I was pregnant, I went down to my neighborhood OB/GYN hospital affiliated practice like all good girls do, right?  In the time it took me to fill out the paperwork and be shuffled around the office through their process, I knew I did not want these people and this system as a part of the birth of my first child. I didn’t really know where to go next or how I even knew what a midwife was, because in my family the women never talk of such things, but I found a midwife about 45 minutes away and when I first met her she was genuinely excited that I was there.   She honored my baby by delighting in his existence, she showed interest in my journey and expressed her commitment to be there for me during this time.

their mom’s a midwife

Wow.  What a difference.  Not only was that lacking in my experience with the OB/GYN but I realized that I had never experienced that from any care provider. I had never been truly cared for by a physician but rather only ‘treated’ for a condition.

Through the course of my pregnancy I was validated and my options were discussed with me every step of the way.  For the first time, my health care provider took my opinions into consideration and assisted me in making decisions for myself.  The experience was so empowering that I began to expect more from all care providers. I began to believe that I deserved real care and respect.  I also experienced a fair amount of negative reactions to my choice of homebirth and I began to use my voice to stand up to these unwanted opinions that were attempting to trample on my ground.

By 6 weeks postpartum I felt the stirring within to pursue midwifery.  Birth is surrounded with love and carries the potential for limitless personal growth.  I knew I always wanted to walk in those moments.

So I’m a midwife now, holding a birth space, preserving our right to choose where and with whom to give birth.

~i’m here for you

local mama’s can find me at http://www.myholisticmaternity.com

holding stories

sacred stories, a midwife’s journals

A conversation arose among a circle of homebirth midwives centered on the phrase “I deliver babies.”  We all agreed that we do not deliver babies because the mom delivers her own baby into this world.  So what do midwives do? We catch babies, attend to all the needs of the birthing woman, we stand guard to ensure mother & baby are healthy and protect her space to birth as she will.  The room of midwives seemed most satisfied with calling our role “attending births” and the conversation drifted away, but it never left me.  I kept contemplating this topic over the next few weeks but wasn’t satisfied with any of the descriptions of what  we do as midwives.   Yes, we do all those things, but we do more than that…

After working with women and families for another 2 years, I came to understand that what we do and what endures is that we hold their story.

Often times, women whom I’ve just met will share with me the most intimate details of their lives, and I honor  and connect with her, I validate everything she shares with me and then I hold her story.  Women I have never met call me to share their stories and ask my opinion and I validate her and honor her and hold her stories too.  For some women, it’s the loveliest honor of giving her a reason to light up when we meet years later in a grocery store because she knows I hold her story.  For other women, whose stories are filled with grief or fright, she will call me years later to access some small little detail as though she is trying to put together a puzzle in order to process her birth story and I am able to give it to her because I’ve held her story for just that reason.

Midwives hold the most personal, vulnerable moments of women’s lives and keep them safe and loved and cherished.

~this is what we do